


I love the idea of you

by Pingviini



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Denial, Gen, Heartache, Marriage Proposal, One Shot, Resolution, Short One Shot, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, What is love, loving is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 16:45:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14981309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pingviini/pseuds/Pingviini
Summary: His arm was found outstretched always only when he noticed the other receding. A classic case of not appreciating something before losing it. And when those nightmares left him breathless and tearful in the midst of night, while his heart ached like hell, he wondered if in the long seconds that foreran the end of his life he would finally want to hold on to it. Of course, by then it would already be too late.“This is blackmail,” she says the awkward smile melting into a frown.Or, Tony Stark paying for his mistakes. Some of them at least





	I love the idea of you

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually a clip from a Spider-Man fic I have been writing but seeing as I've today deleted 30 pages of that said fic (read: all except this) I doubt I'll ever get to post it anywhere. And as the angsty shit I am, I really liked this part. So here it is. Premise doesn't need to be explained anymore than it already has been on MCU. Tony Stark has a lot of time he chooses not to spend with Pepper.  
> I don't necessarily like Gwyneth Paltrow and some say her character in the movies suck but I like MCU Pepper Potts and I really feel for her. There, I said it.
> 
> I'm not a native speaker so mind the mistakes. Do feel free to point them out tho.  
> Thank you so much for reading♥

“If you want a pretty little wife to sit here waiting for you, I’m not the one, Tony,” Pepper says, and her voice is cold but they both know it’s not because she wouldn’t care but because she has made a decision.

“I can’t wait for you any longer, not like this. You have no idea how many times I’ve played your funeral in my head.”

“I know, I know. If you could just give me time I would-“

“You,” the woman interrupts raising her voice only slightly,” are full of promises, Tony Stark, and you hand them out like any other word.”

“I’ll make this work – _we’ll_ make this work,” Tony says with a tone not trying to convince only Pepper but also himself. “What if I give you one more promise?”  
Pepper’s gaze follows Tony down but shoots back up the instant her brain reaches the same wavelength as Tony’s.

“No, Tony. Please get up,” the woman says and the previously stern voice cracks on the last syllable. Even the smallest hint of her weakness Tony welcomes as an opportunity. Her long fingers rise to scrape her thin lips as she looks back down at the man kneeling in front of him. Her heart is beating out of her chest as the brown eyes plead undying love the man was always too busy to give her. “You know this is unfair.”

“I’m not going anywhere Pep. I’m the Iron Man,” he huffs out a laughter to go along with his sentence albeit Pepper can see he barely manages. The confidence, or as some would put it, arrogance is nowhere to be found. Or perhaps there’s still a fond memory of it hugging Tony’s crumbling ego just enough to keep him from begging.

“Exactly. I’d love to say yes but you’re already married to Iron Man,” she answers prematurely.

“Pepper Potts, will you marry me?” Tony asks after holding her gaze long enough to witness it soften a hinge. And if he is completely honest he isn’t sure why he even asks because the woman he loves knows better than to fight reason. Whether the question is asked to soothe the nagging voice in his head that tells him he’s selfish and doesn’t try hard enough or in hopeless effort to convince her, he feels it to be necessary. Perhaps he even feels like he owes her that much for everything she had done for him. A last hooray, or a runner’s magnificent sprint just before crossing the finish line. To let her know he would’ve been ready to take the step with her.

Pepper bites her lip. Eyes studying the kneeling man’s face long and hard while he holds his breath. Tony finds it silly how he could rescue so much but anything good ever coming his way, he managed to push away. Never taking the hand someone so generously offered him. Never letting anyone rescue him from the nightmares he felt to serve him right for all the things he had done.

His arm was found outstretched always only when he noticed the other receding. A classic case of not appreciating something before losing it. And when those nightmares left him breathless and tearful in the midst of night, while his heart ached like hell, he wondered if in the long seconds that foreran the end of his life he would finally want to hold on to it. Of course, by then it would already be too late.

“This is blackmail,” she says the awkward smile melting into a frown.

“No, this is me telling you I want you to rescue me,” he answers trying not to sound too offended by the fact that Pepper had just called his act of love blackmailing.

“That’s just it, Tony. Only you can rescue yourself. I’ve tried, believe me, but there is nothing I can do or say to make you stay. Just like there is nothing you can say to convince me things will be different,” Pepper tells him pushing the ring holder’s cap down hiding the gorgeous diamond. Her eyes travelling back and forth between Tony’s own. All Tony can hear is the way her words sound awfully like she’d be reciting someone, and it makes him realise she had seen this coming. Which, by the way, didn’t shock him. Quite the contrary. It was definitely something she’d do.

“Did you really just turn down a marriage proposal from Iron man?” Tony asks still not getting up but he lets at least his hands fall. Everything in his body language signals he’s done fighting for them and behind the fake amazement lives the guilt for giving up. A guilt that had made a home for itself in every _good bye_ and _I love you._

“I think I’ve fallen in love with the idea of you. The idea of us,” Potts tells him hitting more nails in the coffin encasing their love that is about to get dug six feet under. He hides behind his arrogance using it as a deflective shield through which Pepper sees with ease, but he doesn’t. Not right now at least.

“Is it weird that it makes me love you even more?” he asks, and Pepper closes her eyes a ghost of a smile playing on her lips. Tony can see her mascara has gotten a bit runny.

“Tony, I swear to god.”

And Tony knows she’s worried. He knows at nights she lies awake worrying over him as the angel she is. But she never lets the smile falter just because and that is something he has to admire although a little unwillingly so. There are no frowns to waste, only some given in ode to a poor decision. Perhaps a tense look following a bad joke but the signs of real concern served only with an abundance of heart-breaking pleads. Laid out only when they acted out the same scene over and over again while knowing full well it would always end up with him going and her staying. Guess it had become somewhat of a ritual to them. Like a delicate dance around the remains of their future, which they persistently played out. Each time with different words but same ending. Perhaps at one point they’d run out of words and the silence shared between them would be filled with anticipation. All feelings tied to the words they’d already used up. And when everything is said and done there is only so much you can do to drag on the passing moment.

He couldn’t even imagine how it must feel like sending one’s beloved out to die since he had rarely been the one not fighting. But he imagines it was one of those things that kill slowly: Seeing off a man but getting back a shell. Nightmares, traumas and a faint memory of the person you fell in love with.

And to make a bad situation worse, Tony fought in an unending war that would never seize to call him to battle. The responsibility weighing his chest so heavy he couldn’t breathe easy in the silence before the storm.

“I love you.”

Pepper takes a deep breath before opening her eyes. All trace of tears gone as she does so. “Get up, you’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Only for you,” he says but gets up all the same. The ring feels burning hot in his hand and he wants to drop it. Much to his dismay, his hand is clutching it for dear life like it would have a mind of its own.

“I thought nothing is as hard as loving you but I find trying not to comes really close.”

“Right. You can be my awkward ex-girlfriend and still very much current CEO of my company. Think about all the awkward _‘oh, no. We’re not like that’_ s’ and small talks on the car rides. We really can have it all,” Tony Stark jokes with an awfully strained tone making Pepper look down a polite smile stuck on the thin lips. She takes it as _‘I don’t like what you’re saying and I’ll tell it to you but I understand’_ and knows that might be the most she’ll get out of him.

 “And I will still tell you hiring a 15-year-old to Avengers is a bad idea and that you shouldn’t start your mornings with scotch,” she says blue eyes returning to look at Tony’s face.

“Wouldn’t doubt that for a second,” he says. “Only now you won’t kiss my cheek afterwards.”

Pepper grabs Tony’s hands giving them a warm squeeze as she reaches out to give a small peck on the man’s stubbed cheek.

“Asking someone to marry you when they are breaking up with you is also a terrible idea,” she whispers in Tony’s ear. He wonders whether she doesn’t say it properly because she’s afraid of her voice getting caught in her throat and it makes him feel like an utterly horrible person.

“Still, worth a shot.”


End file.
